Should couples fight?
By Dr. John Boakye
The beginning of marriage is beautiful. Couples fall in love with themselves and have a rosy outlook of life. They ignore the weaknesses in each other and hope they will live happily ever after. However sooner than they can imagine, romantic love tapers off and see their differences ‘fiili fiili’ or in reality. This is when conflicts, an open disagreement, opposition of interests and ideas begin and they never go away. Conflicts may be physical, mental, social, emotional but the commonest is verbal usually called fights
Why fight in marriage?
Human nature is competitive, assertive, selfish, domineering and revengeful. We love freedom and independence. We fight within us and others especially our spouses who are one flesh with us. We struggle for what we want how and when we want it sometimes without considering the needs of our spouses.
In marriage, we have partners with unique backgrounds coming together to form couple identity. You have to care for your personal interests and the interests of your spouse. Drawing a good balance becomes a challenge which can hardly be done without a fight.
One interesting thing about marriage is that people with opposite temperaments or functional pairs attract each other. Introverts are attracted to extroverts, cholerics are attracted to phlegmatics or supines, sanguine are attracted to phlegmatics. We think opposite characters will enrich our lives but it is a recipe for constant fights. We also have external differences like money, parenting, in laws, friends and work being major threats to marriage.
Effects of fights in marriage
Fights may be serious or frivolous, regular or occasional but it is important to appreciate that fights are neither bad nor good. It is how you handle your fights which determines the health of your marriage.
If you handle your fights poorly, you find it hard to control your words or anger. You can easily destroy the harmony in your marriage. Some become withdrawn, mean and demanding. Some break their responsibilities and deny their partners the attention they need. Partners may feel hurt, insulted, unloved and unwanted.
Fights may lead to mental and physical challenges, divorce or even death. Consider a farmer who quarreled with his pregnant wife over pawpaw. An argument ensued and the man beat his wife to death.
If you handle your fights well, you get a better understanding of each other and issues in your marriage. Some couples speak out their worries only during fights. After a fair fight you sort out your issues more clearly. Conflicts are also a test of your faith. If you handle your issues well you honour God and He blesses you.
Should couples fight?
A common question is; if partners love each other should they fight? The answer is simple; fights are inevitable part of all human relationships especially in marriage. They never go away .The fact that you fight does not mean there is something wrong with your marriage.
Instead, fights should remind you that you are alive and married and that you must get up and work hard on your marriage.
Marriage is the best place to express your desires, wants and aspirations and sometimes you do it thought fights. Sometimes a good fight with your spouse is good for your health and at the same time it keeps your marriage vibrant. On the other hand, suppression and denial of conflicts have been a major cause of marriage failures.
You must therefore not worry how often you fight. Keep fighting but fight fair not for personal gain but for the growth of your marriage. Watch your words and never let your words control you ever when you are angry.
Apologise when you are wrong and forgive unconditionally when you are right. Then press on.You marriage can be happy and healthy with fights. Handled well, your fights can be a good medium for greater closeness and better understanding. Together with romance, fights make marriages thrilling and exciting.
The Writer presented this write-up at a Marriage Serminar of Westley Methodist Cathedral, Sunyani.
The beginning of marriage is beautiful. Couples fall in love with themselves and have a rosy outlook of life. They ignore the weaknesses in each other and hope they will live happily ever after. However sooner than they can imagine, romantic love tapers off and see their differences ‘fiili fiili’ or in reality. This is when conflicts, an open disagreement, opposition of interests and ideas begin and they never go away. Conflicts may be physical, mental, social, emotional but the commonest is verbal usually called fights
Why fight in marriage?
Human nature is competitive, assertive, selfish, domineering and revengeful. We love freedom and independence. We fight within us and others especially our spouses who are one flesh with us. We struggle for what we want how and when we want it sometimes without considering the needs of our spouses.
In marriage, we have partners with unique backgrounds coming together to form couple identity. You have to care for your personal interests and the interests of your spouse. Drawing a good balance becomes a challenge which can hardly be done without a fight.
One interesting thing about marriage is that people with opposite temperaments or functional pairs attract each other. Introverts are attracted to extroverts, cholerics are attracted to phlegmatics or supines, sanguine are attracted to phlegmatics. We think opposite characters will enrich our lives but it is a recipe for constant fights. We also have external differences like money, parenting, in laws, friends and work being major threats to marriage.
Effects of fights in marriage
Fights may be serious or frivolous, regular or occasional but it is important to appreciate that fights are neither bad nor good. It is how you handle your fights which determines the health of your marriage.
If you handle your fights poorly, you find it hard to control your words or anger. You can easily destroy the harmony in your marriage. Some become withdrawn, mean and demanding. Some break their responsibilities and deny their partners the attention they need. Partners may feel hurt, insulted, unloved and unwanted.
Fights may lead to mental and physical challenges, divorce or even death. Consider a farmer who quarreled with his pregnant wife over pawpaw. An argument ensued and the man beat his wife to death.
If you handle your fights well, you get a better understanding of each other and issues in your marriage. Some couples speak out their worries only during fights. After a fair fight you sort out your issues more clearly. Conflicts are also a test of your faith. If you handle your issues well you honour God and He blesses you.
Should couples fight?
A common question is; if partners love each other should they fight? The answer is simple; fights are inevitable part of all human relationships especially in marriage. They never go away .The fact that you fight does not mean there is something wrong with your marriage.
Instead, fights should remind you that you are alive and married and that you must get up and work hard on your marriage.
Marriage is the best place to express your desires, wants and aspirations and sometimes you do it thought fights. Sometimes a good fight with your spouse is good for your health and at the same time it keeps your marriage vibrant. On the other hand, suppression and denial of conflicts have been a major cause of marriage failures.
You must therefore not worry how often you fight. Keep fighting but fight fair not for personal gain but for the growth of your marriage. Watch your words and never let your words control you ever when you are angry.
Apologise when you are wrong and forgive unconditionally when you are right. Then press on.You marriage can be happy and healthy with fights. Handled well, your fights can be a good medium for greater closeness and better understanding. Together with romance, fights make marriages thrilling and exciting.
The Writer presented this write-up at a Marriage Serminar of Westley Methodist Cathedral, Sunyani.
